Ogres & Spiders & Pirates Oh My: Finally Me Hearties, a Sequel to Walk the Plank For!

There’s nothing like starting the blockbuster season off with a swashbuckler. But to describe Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End as merely a swashbuckler would be an understatement, if not insulting. This adventure is an epic high seas, full throttle, take no prisoners, romp! In fact it is so pulse poundingly exciting I’m not at all surprised so many critics decided to jump ship. Sure, there are tons of ways to attack this movie, for example it rampages frantically from start to finish with the logic of a schizophrenic, but to me that was part of its charm. Where Spider-Man 3 didn’t know what it wanted to be, ‘At World’s End’ proudly displays its schizophrenia like a parrot on its shoulder. But honestly, who listens to critics when it comes to action movies anyway? If you loved the first two films, you won’t leave this ride disappointed.

This Caribbean cruise is loaded with everything we’ve come to love about this series and so much more. Again we are acquainted with our friends Capt. Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp outdoing himself as the iconic swaggering pirate), Will Turner (Orlando Bloom), Elizabeth Swann (Keira Knightley), the squid faced Davy Jones (Bill Nighy) and the return of Capt. Barbossa (Geoffrey Rush) and Capt. Sao Feng (Chow Yun-Fat a nice addition to this pirates chapter). First off, it is just so rewarding to watch all of these fine actors put 110% into every scene they’re in. Movies like this can only succeed with rich and engaging characters played by actors who believe in their roles as much as the audience does. It is in this respect that the film is nearly perfect. I wonder if they are all competing with Depp for the spot of the best pirate performance.

To go into detail about the plot of this film would be pointless, as well as pathetic on my part. It is an adventure that is meant to be experienced first hand for regurgitating plot developments would only dilute the flavor of watching the constantly shifting scenes from port to port. What I will say is that Capt. Jack Sparrow was swallowed by the Kraken and now exists in a purgatory known as Davy Jones’ Locker. This allows Johnny Depp to elevate his creative freedom to new plateaus as we experience Sparrow’s insanity. Without saying anything, it is a fantastic scene.

We also know that the treacherous Lord Beckett (Tom Hollander) is enjoying his crusade to rid the world of pirates. The film has an eerie opening, as we see pirates rounded up and led to the gallows, where a boy begins to sing a pirate song. Then all the other hundreds of pirates join in. From a symbolic stand point, it seemed like a heavy opening to a fun pirate adventure, but I was thrilled to see the series taken to the realm of despair we faced in Return of the King and Return of the Jedi. And if you pay attention, you’ll see there is more to that singing than originally thought.

Even though our pirate friends face a fate worse than walking the plank, they are not without hope. We get to meet all the pirate lords who wouldn’t ordinarily get along, but in the face of impending doom will make an exception. Their meeting is like the conference scene from The Godfather if it took place on international talk like a pirate day.

It is quite mind-boggling how much material is jammed into this extravaganza. Gore Verbinski had a daunting task before him and he more than delivered. Writers Ted Elliott and Terry Rossio also did an impressive job of fleshing this story out while the film was being shot. The action sequences and the special effects are all out fantastically jaw dropping. And God Bless Johnny Depp and the rest of the amazing cast for their characters that are destined to become as celebrated as Luke Skywalker and Indiana Jones. Yeah, so this film is overflowing with pirating adventure, but why is that necessarily a bad thing. I had a ball trying to keep up with this amazingly entertaining crazy pirate story. By the end your brain may be swimming like you’ve just been shipwrecked, but that ride was surely worth it.

A-

Ode to an Ogre: 'Shrek the Third' Has Another Sunny Day in Far Far Away

When I saw the first Shrek in the theater I had a bitter taste in my mouth, even before I got to see it. Why? Quite simply because that big green ogre pummeled The Lion King at the box office, which at the time was the king of animated movies. The Lion King was and still is my favorite animated film, but my feelings towards it have evolved into a love and devotion I can't exactly explain. It was unfair of me to reject the admiration people felt for the first film, especially before I had a chance to see it. But I have to admit that even then, I loved every second of Shrek. It was the spoof of Disney fairy tales I had always been waiting for, with more than enough magic to hold its own weight. It approached familiar legends and stories with a sense of realism and contemporary gags I've never considered and the result was engagingly wonderful. Now comes 'Shrek the Third' which does seem a little redundant, but has enough charm and laughs to make it a worthy sequel.

In a way, these Shrek movies go beyond the boundaries of their fairy tale character's private lives. It's not like we found out how Cinderella’s love life was or how many kids Sleeping Beauty had. This time around, what would be the happily ever after in any other animated film is actually the conflict. Princess Fiona's father has died and it is up to Shrek to take his rightful place as king. This is something Shrek has no intentions of doing. Maybe it is too much to ask a swamp loving reclusive ogre to spend his afternoons ruling Far Far Away while drinking English tea? Soon Shrek discovers an alternative: have Fiona's cousin Prince Artie wear the crown. But right before Shrek has a chance to leave to find Artie, Princess Fiona drops the baby bomb on Shrek. Certainly, the pressure of ruling a kingdom and parenting fears are themes that would go right over the heads of kids, but it did add a mature element that I enjoyed.

Meanwhile, Prince Charming, one of the villains from the second film, is hatching his plan to overthrow the monarchy of Far Far Away, giving him a nice chance to shine as one of the films most humorous and enchanting characters. After losing all credibility, Charming has become a typecast second-rate dinner theater actor...playing himself. In one comical scene we see Charming use his talent for manipulation to convince the other folklore villains to join him on his crusade, giving characters like the Evil Step-sister and Captain Hook a tender look into their inner raw anger. Flamboyant animated villains have always held a special place in my heart, which is why I grinned when these villains reflected on the deep injustices they were dealt while their enemies got all the respect. Can’t an evildoer get some love?

Shrek's adventure to find Artie presents us with several original era crossover gags in the form of high school clichés. Shrek digs up Artie at Medieval high school where a few clueless girls call him “totally ew-eth”. There is also a hilarious run in with two geeks, one with a bad case of instant karma whenever he mocks someone. From here, we meet Merlin, an expelled whacked out magic teacher, who is out of touch and practice. The movie slows down in the middle giving Shrek and Artie a chance to bond, but it temporarily ruined the films momentum.

All of the computer animation is top-notch this time around. The mountain landscapes littered with castles and sunsets are so realistic and detailed. And of course there are the characters themselves, almost freakishly human in their expressions and texture. I’m not so sure I needed so many close up shots of Shrek’s leg and chest hair, but even that is grossly realistic. Nice work leg hair animators! And with the help of Mike Myers, Cameron Diaz, Eddie Murphy, Antonio Banderas and Rupert Everett the voice talents are at their most impressive yet. There is also great work done by new comers including Justin Timberlake as Artie, as well as SNL alumni Cheri Oteri, Amy Poehler, and Maya Rudolph giving Xena a run for her money as a team of female warrior princesses.

While Shrek The Third may not be the best Shrek yet, it is consistently funny and sprinkled with tear inducing comedy. There are a few scenes that seem even funnier than the gags in the first two films: one involves The Gingerbread Man's near death experience and another is a nightmare Shrek has about babies of all things. On it's opening weekend Shrek the Third pummeled its own record for the biggest opening weekend for a cartoon, which probably means Shrek the Fourth is on its way. I don't know how much longer Shrek can keep up this success, but for now I'll say long live the king!

B

The Sequels Are Coming! The Sequels Are Coming!: 28 Weeks Later Delivers Another Bloody Good Time

Several of my favorite recent horror films have something in common: their sweet turn sour shocking introductions. In particular, both The Decent and Disturbia begin with cheerful family outings that turn graphically horrible without a moments hesitation. It's like watching a Valtrex commercial followed by Baghdad footage. Keeping in mind these are scary movies, it's hard to let your guard down, especially when the film seems overly eager to sooth you. 28 Weeks Later skips making you feel cozy, yet still has a shockingly terrifying opening. And some how I dropped my guard.

The film opens in what could be a post-apocalyptic zombie infested Britain or WWII Nazi Germany. A group of people are hiding in a candle lit living space, quietly shuffling about as if to evoke images from Anne Frank's Diary. We are given no hints to where they are, but we know they are hiding from the "infected". In the previous film, 28 Days Later, we learned the infected are zombie like humans diseased with the "rage" virus. They are ravenous for human flesh, spew blood from their mouths, and coincidentally transmit their disease through bodily fluids. We know that they can attack at any moment, but as our eyes slowly adjust to the dark and we see a family gathered around a dinner table preparing to eat, the "normalcy" of the moment made me relax. I calmed my nerves just when I shouldn't have and the result was one of the best scares I've had in a while. This was followed by one of the most exhilarating chase sequences I've seen since Spielberg's War of the Worlds. And to my delight there are plenty more scares where that came from.

28 weeks after the outbreak, the virus has become "extinct" and the U.S. military (out of it's infinite wisdom and generosity) have agreed to aid Britain in repopulating a quarantined section of London. The family theme continues as Don (Robert Carlyle), the sole survivor of the opening attack meets his two children at the new London. We are also introduced to Scarlet (Rose Byrne) an army doctor who is distressed that children are now calling London home, as well as Doyle (Jeremy Renner) an disenchanted soldier who looks past his orders to see what's just. When the outbreak spreads again, which it inevitably had to do, it's up to this new family unit to make their way to safety as all hell breaks loose.

Considering that I am a huge fan of 28 Days Later, I was a little worried that 'Weeks' might be mediocre by comparison or that the "infected" would lose their bite. However, I am glad to report that 'Weeks' lives up to its predecessor. 'Weeks' continued to scare me all the way through. The frantic digital video style still works wonderfully for this type of story. It's almost as if your watching a documentary or news footage. There are also several interesting scenes that comment on the ethicality of the military's actions when critical decisions must be made in haste. For example, what do you do when you're fighting a war on virus? Shoot everything of course. One great scene incorporates the U.S. soldiers spying on the London citizens through their sniper cross-hairs. As the soldiers joke to one another it may seem humorous (almost like reality tv). Then you notice the cross-hairs resting on someone's head and the humor is replaced with disgust.

I wouldn't say that this movie is as great as 28 Days Later, but it is still one of the best recent horror films around. I did miss the close personal connection I felt with Jim, Selena, Frank and Hannah, but the new comers do as good a job as they can relating their characters with the limited one-on-one time they're given. There is such a sense of urgency in this film that we aren't given any slow moments for chitchat. Even Aliens had a few talky parts. And I will not soon forget the great scenes from 'Days' that seem missing here, like the infected priest stumbling towards Jim, Frank's tragic demise and the great climatic finale. On the other hand the film moved so fast that I was always glued to the screen and on the edge of my seat. What more could you ask of a horror picture?

B+

Bad to the Exoskeleton: Spider-Man's Back for Some Thrills and Several Spills

Considering the critical acclaim and box office bucks earned by Spider-Man 2, it's fitting that Spidey has morphed into an egotistical, paparazzi craving, fame fiend. In fact, Bryce Dallas Howard go mope in a shower, for once I actually would have welcomed a film cameo by Paris Hilton. With all that fame and mass appeal, it's bound to go to your head and in this case Spider-Man 3 is swinging towards the nearest televised couch to bounce on. Now Sam Raimi is a talented filmmaker (Spider-Man 2 case closed!) and this time around he delivers a lot of great nail-biting moments, but he falls short in the story department. Like Spidey, the film is experiencing an identity crisis, with a mild case of Chicken Little. Maybe that sounds a little harsh, ok very mild, but mild none the less. If you liked the first two movies by all means see it (no review could have stopped me), but be warned: it's too much of a good thing.

I was pleased to see the reappearance of the web weaving crime fighter and settled back in my chair for the fun to begin. It seemed very promising. Peter Parker (Tobey Maguire) is ready to settle down with love Mary Jane Watson (Kirsten Dunst) who is now headlining in a Broadway play. M.J. is having difficulty relating to her beau who seems too interested in himself to notice her discontent. Dunst does a great job portraying a variety of emotions in this film, starting with love, then envy, then jealousy, some of which happen at the same time. Even Harry Osborn (James Franco) has a nice come back as Parkers ex-best friend, who is now determined to avenge his fathers "murder", which means kill Parker. I was worried that this story-line would get a little hokey, but it was actually one of the films best touches. This leads to an awesome eye-popping battle between Osborn equipped with his father's Green Goblin gear and the unaware Parker.

Now one would think all of this would be enough material to expand into a film, but apparently we still need an alien meteor blob, the evil Spider-Man, the forgetful Osborn, and two more villains. The first villain we meet is Flint Marko a.k.a. Sandman (Thomas Haden Church), a fugitive who turns into living sand when he accidentally stumbles into a top-secret dematerializing project, I hate when that happens. All we know about this guy is he "may" have killed Parker's uncle and he steals money for his sick daughter. Other than that he turns into sand and it's CGI time. He's mostly there to look cool. The other villain is Eddie Brock/Venom (Topher Grace) who is a lot more likable and fun as well. Brock shares a duel role as Parker's nemesis in the work office and on the crime ridden streets. Venom is slimy, terrifying, and rather humorous. As far as super-hero villains go, he had the potential to be one of the best around. It's too bad he's hardly in the movie.

And then there's the black suit Spider-Man, who acts more like the unfriendly neighborhood Spider-Man. Suddenly Parker has found a new sense of confidence, along with a new hairstylist and sweet dance moves. He has so many new skills: dancing skills, piano playing skills, numchuck skills... There is a scene where Parker does a sweet dance which had to have been inspired by Will Ferrell's flute scene in Anchorman. It is funny and true to the Raimi's campy roots, but it felt so forced and awkward. If it was one of a few flaws I might've forgiven it.

The final battle is thrilling, but I was ready for the film to wind down about when Venom became a villain. A little too late. There is also a character that knew a tidbit of information from the first film that could have prevented a lot of drama and violence if he just opened his mouth a little earlier. He is either a moron, a sadist or just saying it for the convenience of the script. I'm thinking the latter. Spider-Man 3 is like starving yourself and then going to a all you can eat buffet. There are so many possibilities and you want to wolf down as much food as possible. But before you know it you have stomach pains and the food looked better than it taste. Raimi should have taken the hint from Tim Burton and moved on to other projects. Paging Mr. Schumacher... Well, I have to go, Spider-Man 2 is playing on F/X.

B-