Yippie-ki-yay McClane Lovers: Bruce Willis is Back at His Die Hardest Yet!

It’s been a year shy of two decades since the world was first introduced to the resilient smart-ass everyman hero John McClane. In that time, McClane has rescued the hostages of the Nakatomi building, directed passenger planes to the Dulles runways (snakes not included), saved New York City from the schoolyard game obsessed bomber, and put Bruce Willis on the map of celebrity stardom. Now it is up to John McClane to save the United States of America from total economic collapse and nation wide anarchy. In Die Hard 5, will McClane prevent an earthquake by flying around the planet 1,000 times or defeat General Zod? Yes, the idea that one man alone can save the world from terrorists is comical and ridiculous in theory, but Willis’ McClane is always able to pull it off. Willis was born to play this role and exudes his wise guy Jersey roots in every scene. I grew up believing that the Die Hard films were the Big Daddy of the action genre. In the same respect, I always felt that John McClane was the king of action movie heroes. My love for this series is why I’m especially ecstatic to tell you that McClane’s fourth adventure is an updated, uproarious, blockbuster event and one of the best chapters in the series. In Live Free or Die Hard, Willis’ presence is as commanding as ever and the film is a fast paced thrill ride that dares you to blink.

I was hooked as soon as the 20th Century Fox logo at the films opening is made to look as though it is shut down like a town losing power. The film opens with computer operators talking to each other via phone headsets. One of these operators hits a delete button and it’s the 4th of July in his apartment. For some reason, a group of terrorists is killing off expert computer hackers (the kind of hackers the FBI keeps case files on). Meanwhile, John McClane is radioed to take care of one last job to pick up a kid and bring him downtown. The kid is Matt Farrell (Justin Long), a nerdy hacker that is wanted by the authorities alive, but wanted dead by the terrorists. As always, what was supposed to be a simple delivery job becomes the first of many expertly made exhilarating action sequences.

We soon realize that the terrorists are lead by Thomas Gabriel (Timothy Olyphant) who is hell bent on teaching the U.S. government a lesson in national security. Gabriel has developed the perfect plan for disabling all functions of American life by hacking into every government run facility and taking them hostage. Armed with his own private geek squad and suave Gucci attire, Gabriel uses his new power to turn every stoplight green, control the T.V. airways, and shut down electricity to the eastern coast. In this post-9/11, level orange, technology obsessed society, this plot plays off our nations deepest fears and is all the better for it. Every James Bond villain’s mouth would drop if they could see this film. Considering how far fetched this evil plot may sound, later developments will illustrate that Gabriel is probably the only man who could initiate such events. He would have gotten away with it too if it weren’t for that meddling McClane. It must be hard for Olyphant to have to follow Oscar winner Jeremy Irons and the equally talented Alan Rickman for the spot of new bad guy in town, but he does an adequate job. Perhaps he’s not as menacing as his predecessors, but he embodies a collected, simmering hostility that makes Gabriel an enticing adversary.

John McClane rampages back to the big screen like an aging gunslinger from a spaghetti western that’s never lost his straight shot. This is one of the first movies from a series I have seen that beautifully merges its origins with the high tech advancements in filmmaking. The main criticism you hear in regards to the Star Wars prequels is that the updated CGI effects don’t match with the model work of Luke Skywalker’s generation. It’s quite the opposite in this film, in which the obstacles are bigger and meaner, but we still have the same old John McClane. For example, McClane faces off against two henchmen that force him to muse, “Is the circus in town?”. The first is the sexy martial arts expert Mai Lihn (Maggie Q) who is more than an even match for McClane (she’d probably give Beatrix Kiddo a run for her money). He can’t take an eye off of her for more than a second without being tossed out a window. The second is a monkey man acrobat that moves with agility and an improvised Spider-Man method that would have been unthinkable in the 80’s action era. This forces McClane to rely on his quick thinking resourcefulness more than ever, which makes the movie ridiculously entertaining.

The stunt work and special effects are all top notch in this film. Whether McClane is speeding a car into a helicopter or driving a tractor-trailer over a collapsing bridge, it is all realistic and pulse poundingly exciting. I even caught myself ducking down in my chair to dodge a few bullets here and there. The movie is so action packed, it makes Mission Impossible 3 look likes kids stuff. The film is well directed with an interesting visual style and for an action film of this caliber it is intelligent and very well written. Justin Long is great as the helpful sarcastic sidekick and actually has his own interesting character arch. There is even a fun small performance from Clerk’s II director Kevin Smith. And of course, Willis is balder and better than ever!

Maybe everyone needs an action hero to root for now and then. Someone who won’t take anybody’s crap and refuses to acknowledge the word quit as existing in the English dictionary. Some people may go with Rambo, James Bond, Dirty Harry or any of The Governator’s roles. For me there are two I always turn to: Sigourney Weaver’s Ellen Ripley and Willis’ John McClane. To me they are the mother and father of action movie magic. McClane always has my trust and devotion and so far, Live Free or Die Hard is the best blockbuster of the summer.

A-

Danger Room: 1408 is One Hell of a Scary Time

Good haunted house films are hard to come by, but I still get excited about them when they come along. Recent ghost movies have ranged from lousy films like The Grudge and The Amityville Horror, to the terrible ones I have luckily avoided like White Noise and The Ring 2. With the modern obsession filmmakers have with CGI effects and jack-in-the-box scares, ghosts on screen have lost the allusive mystique that make them scary to begin with. But thanks to Mikael Hafstrom’s new spine chiller 1408, ghosts are scary again and probably the scariest they’ve ever been.

To this day, the scariest movie I have ever seen is The Blair Witch Project. I guess I fall into the category of people who are more afraid of what they can’t see on screen than what they can. As soon as they show the monster/ghost/alien/killer/creature I am relieved that it isn’t as scary as what my brain had come up with. Now 1408 doesn’t leave everything to your imagination, but it shares a common factor with Blair Witch in that they are both about people or a person trapped in an evil environment. In the same sense that the forest is the villain in The Blair Witch Project, so is the room 1408. What can be more frightening than a personified evil place?

The film starts with Mike Enslin (John Cusak) making his way through torrential downpour to stay overnight at a “haunted” hotel. He is a travel writer who writes stories about haunted places for a living. His current book is about haunted hotels and after all the cemeteries and bell towers he has visited, he is convinced that ghosts aren’t real. What makes Enslin such a fascinating character is his passion for finding proof of the existence of spirits, which he desperately yearns for. As we learn later in the film, Enslin only became intrigued with the afterlife following the death of his daughter. He wants to believe in the afterlife to find proof that his little girl still exists. I guess a visit to John Edwards wouldn't work for Enslin. His obsession with ghosts eventually led to the deterioration of his marriage and a turn towards alcohol.

Enslin was just about to give up on ghosts when he received a post card telling him not to enter room 1408 of the Dolphin Hotel. Of course, Enslin is well versed in various hauntings and ready to go on this last mission. First he has to go through the hotel manager Mr. Olin (Samuel L. Jackson) who is determined to have him stay elsewhere. Jackson is terrific in his few scenes as he civilly attempts to warn Enslin of the dangers of room 1408. Not only have about twenty more people died in the room than Enslin had researched (the newspapers didn’t report the ‘natural deaths’), but one person drowned in their chicken soup and a maid who got locked in the bathroom cut out her own eyes. Enslin, who is convinced the room is nothing more than an elaborate myth perpetuated by the hotel employees, nonchalantly turns down Olin’s offers. Part of the genius of this set up is the casting of Samuel L. Jackson, who does his usual badass routine, but is himself so terrified of the room that he only goes on that floor once a month to turn down the room’s bed sheets. Before Enslin left for 1408, Olin let him know that the room isn’t haunted by a spirit or something Enslin would have encountered on the job by saying that 1408 is “an evil fucking room”.

Once Enslin enters the room the rest of the movie is essentially a one-man show and Cusack is remarkable throughout. Cusack did a wonderful job playing a man who journeys from having no faith in the afterlife to coming to the terrible realization that not only are there ghost, but he is trapped in an evil fucking room. Most of the shocks and thrills come from watching Cusack, as he convincingly plays horrified and desperate. I loved how the room slowly lets its presence know first in little ways like magically leaving chocolates on the bed pillows to sealing the only exit shut and manipulating the reality of the room. As Enslin endures various degrees of psychological terrors, we discover that the room operates by distorting your perceptions with nightmarish visions that are so terrifying you will kill yourself to escape the room’s torments.

When Enslin first enters the room, he says, “Hotels are naturally creepy places”. It seems that in the case of Hollywood they are. From Bates Motel to the Overlook, nothing good ever seems to come from staying at a hotel. I don’t know why hotels have such a terrible effect on sanity in films, but I’m glad they do. I am also glad that 1408 is another successful horror movie that deserves is honorary spot next to those scary hotels. So prepare yourself for a bumpy night, because 1408 is one creepy movie that is bound to give you a shocking good time.

B+

Last Tango In Paris: Paris Je T'aime is a Beautiful Cinematic Journey

Paris, Je T’aime made me jealous of anyone with firsthand knowledge of Paris’ beauty. It is so full of devotion and appreciation for the city, I wish I could more fully understand the specific sights and senses attributed to this historic place. Regardless of never having been there myself, knowing Paris is by no means a requirement to fully appreciate Paris, Je T’aime. It is an exuberant collision of some of the most creative and talented filmmaking I have seen. It is a compilation of eighteen five-minute short films written and directed by film auteurs from across the globe. We witness the stunning work of such directors as the Coen brothers, Alfonso Cuarón, Gus Van Sant, Alexander Payne, Tom Tykwer, Walter Salles, and even Wes Craven. The mission of this work was to capture on celluloid a celebratory tribute to the people, places and emotions that are Paris, France. The films illustrate a wide range of tones, styles and themes, but they all explore relationships in the city of lights. It’s a cinematic poem that is artistically astounding and a joy to watch.

There are so many great characters and moments in this film that it’s hard to remember them all. It’s also a challenge to decide on the best short, because so many of them are fantastic. One of my favorites is the creepy noir vampire tale from Vincenzo Natali (director of Cube). Elijah Wood plays a lost tourist who has an unexpected encounter with a female vampire. What’s even more unexpected is that they fall in love. This short has the most memorable visual style of the film, from the animated brilliant blood to the foggy deserted blue tinted alley streets. It is a sweet yet eerie homage to gothic silent horror films.


The funniest film is directed by Alexander Payne and tells the tale of Carol (the always reliable character actress Margo Martindale), an American tourist who comes to Paris to discover love. The hilarity of this piece begins with Carol’s appalling American-English accent as she earnestly attempts to narrate her Paris journey. The film is perfectly placed towards the end, giving us countless examples of how spoken French is supposed to sound. Equipped with her fanny pack and American sensibility, Carol is a lonesome woman desperately searching for new love and ultimately finds the city of Paris to be just that. Payne as usual presents a heartfelt story that is somber and honest, but also hysterical and beautifully written.

Gus Van Sant’s film centers on the question of the existence of soul mates. Gaspard Ulliel (Hannibal Rising) meets a silent young man who he asks if he believes in love at first sight. Ulliel breathlessly tells the boy that he thinks they are meant to be together and gives him his phone number. Once Ulliel leaves we discover that the silent young man doesn’t understand French, but rushes out of the building to find Ulliel once he realizes what just happened. It is ironic, subtle, inspiring and very enjoyable.

The Coen brothers’ film is also great and carries their signature style of absurdist dark humor. Steve Buscemi plays a tourist waiting for a subway train as a couple across the tracks practices their French kissing. Not only does Buscemi have to contend with the harassment of a child’s spitballs, but also clashes cultures with the kissing couple when he doesn’t adhere to the guide book advice “Avoid eye contact”.

Those are some of the best films hidden in this mosaic of a movie, but there are many more treasures around the corner. The film is a rollercoaster of emotions and creativity, almost like walking through an art museum. Some shorts are downright sad, like Juliette Binoche’s story of coping with the death of her son and finding hope in a vision of a cowboy (her son’s obsession). Some comment on the heartbreaking inequalities humans face, as we watch Catalina Sandino Moreno (Maria Full of Grace) travel great distances away from her own child to spend most of her time taking care of someone else’s. Even still, many are just silly and fun, like a tale of two mimes that fall in love in jail. Combined, these shorts create a great film that is enjoyable and exciting, often moving and inspiring, and always a cinematic treat for any film lover.

A-

Hang 10 Dudes: The Fantastic 4 Benefit from "The Rise of the Silver Surfer"

After witnessing the Saturday morning cartoonish fiasco that was the first Fantastic 4, I wasn’t expecting to be impressed or even entertained by Fantastic 4: Rise of the Silver Surfer. To be honest, I mostly wanted to see it so I could proceed to write a scathing review. Since I’m not a paid critic and I don’t see every God-awful movie under the sun, this would certainly be the perfect opportunity to write a brutal review and tear away at the film like the unsuspecting bimbos locked up in one of Eli Roth’s dungeons. I figured the vault of torments would be endless this time around. But to my surprise (or perhaps shame and dismay) I actually mildly enjoyed this movie. I’m not saying it’s a great movie (it’s a mile from being fantastic), but considering my expectations for it bomb, it was surprisingly entertaining.

I must admit from the start, that out of all the reviews I have written so far, this will probably be the one to offend or appall readers with critical minds or medium to high film standards. Why? Because, ‘Rise of the Silver Surfer’ is technically a bad movie. I’m willing to admit that fact. But for a bad movie, it’s a lot of fun. The film is stuffed with screwball humor, it is ridiculously cheesy, and it bombards its audience with an endless supply of the most absurd dialogue you’re sure to hear in any film this summer. There are times the dialogue came close to putting Batman & Robin to shame. My brain has plenty insults to toss its way, but my heart just doesn’t want to. So lets look at the where the film succeeds.

Its main success is its special effects, which are pretty fantastic. When you have superheroes that can engulf in flames, create force fields and stretch to fantastic lengths, you want to see these abilities in action. The first film got it all wrong by only using the powers for the sake of using them. Sure the effects were impressive, but they were wasted. It was a live action cartoon featuring mutants performing powers in a four-ring circus, with a villain thrown in for the end. If I wanted to see freakish people exhibiting amazing abilities for 2 hours I’d go see Cirque Du Soleil. For the sequel, they seemed to get most of that unnecessary showboating out of the way and kept a more steady focus on the plot. Now we finally get to see Superheroes use their powers the way they are supposed to be used. We also meet the Silver Surfer, who is one of the most interesting CGI creations bound to come along this summer (at least until Transformers comes out) and the type of villain Spider-Man 3 desperately needed. The only problem I can find with the CGI of this film is that it does look ‘cartoony’ at times. Then again, this might not be a problem with the CGI as much as it is with the effects required for these characters. I’m not so sure a think tank composed of Steven Spielberg, George Lucas and Stanley Kubrick could make a stretchy man look realistic.

The film opens with two of the Fantastic 4 getting married. Reed Richards or Mr. Fantastic (Ioan Gruffudd) is about to tie the knot with Sue Storm or The Invisible Woman (Jessica Alba). Everything seems to be going fine until an I-pod phone thing rings in the stretchy guys pocket, which is apparently very important. He is working on some type of science project, which requires him to have up to the minute progress reports (I guess). Richards is definitely the most irritating part of this movie. Most of his scenes involve him reciting pseudo rocket science jargon and having epiphanies with no meaning or logic behind them. The dialogue used during these scenes is so useless and laughably bad, it makes scripts by the Wachowski Brothers look like Moby Dick. Gruffudd played his character so rigidly serious I couldn’t help but cringe. Jessica Alba wasn’t that much better, but she at least had a few humorous moments. On the other hand, Chris Evans provides a hysterically hammy performance as the egotistical Johnny Storm a.k.a. the Human Torch. To Johnny, saving lives is a lucrative business as he dons his costume with sponsor logos. Michael Chiklis also provides a fun performance as the ogre like creature called The Thing. These two seem to know they’re in a B movie and love every second of it. As the Fantastic 4, they are even more famous than they are in real life and it is fun how these actors play comic hero versions of their on screen personas.

My favorite part of the movie is the Silver Surfer. Not only is he visually interesting as his shiny ghostlike form zips along on his surfboard, but he is sympathetic and crestfallen. He has come to mark Earth as the next planet to be consumed by the god like Galactus. He is a slave who must aid in the destruction of countless worlds in order to save his own. When I finally heard him talk I gasped at the genius of Laurence Fishburne’s extrinsic voice. As bizarre as it sounds, I was actually emotionally invested in this character.

The rest of the film involves the Fantastic 4 facing off against the Silver Surfer, who just might be their hero. There are many amusing action sequences. One involves the giant Ferris wheel in London. There is also an awesome spaceship chase sequence reminiscent of Star Wars. And even though most of the jokes are cheesier than Kraft, a few of them were pretty funny. I don’t think I would recommend that anyone should go out and watch this any time soon, but considering the previous film, I wasn’t disappointed.

B-

No Wire Hangers Ever!: Don't Abort Knocked Up or You'll Miss Out on One Special Delivery

While walking out of the theater after seeing Knocked Up, two thoughts entered my mind. First, that director Judd Apatow is clearly establishing himself as a film auteur after only his second feature film. My next thought was that Apatow is the missing link between two other great comedy legends: Woody Allen and Kevin Smith. Perhaps it’s not often that you see these names compared, but Knocked Up proved that they are cut from the same cloth. On one end of the spectrum, Kevin Smith takes highbrow subjects like religion and sexuality and dumbs it down to intelligent adolescent toilet humor, while Woody Allen’s films always maintain a more dignified demeanor as they comically explore adult themes for the more adult mind. And stuck in the middle is Knocked Up, the raunchy yet brilliant new film from Judd Apatow.

I have to say that after Apatow’s fantastically hysterical 40 Year Old Virgin, Knocked Up had a lot to live up and in many ways it does. Knocked Up follows the story of two opposites that attract by the simple fact that they are about to have a baby together. The father to be is the appropriately named Ben Stone (Seth Rogen) a carefree bum who spends his days smoking blunts with his slacker buds while they “work” on their Internet site. The mother to be is Alison Scott (Grey’s Anatomy’s Katherine Heigl) the motivated career girl who happens to work behind the scenes for the E! Channel. You can’t get more opposite than these two. The Wife Swap creators must be salivating at the possibilities.

Immediately after we witness a hilariously vulgar cameo by American Idol host Ryan Seacreast, Alison is summoned to her boss’s office where she is promoted to a red carpet reporter. This prompts Alison and her married older sister Debbie (Apatow’s wife Leslie Mann) to spend the night on the town celebrating. Alison and Ben meet, they hit it off, one thing leads to another and they wake up the next morning at Alison’s place. When they separate after breakfast, Ben thinks he will never hear from Alison again and rightly so. After insulting Alison’s job and confessing that he’s unemployed, what interest could Alison possibly have in Ben? Let’s face it, he’s no Brad Pitt. But that was before they knew about the baby.

When Alison finds she’s with child, she goes to dinner with Ben to tell him the news, which doesn’t exactly go over well. In the middle of this snazzy restaurant, the two bicker and then yell about whose fault the pregnancy is. This scene is poignant, realistic and surprisingly very funny. This is something you rarely see accomplished in films, at least to the perfection we see here. There are many scenes in Knocked Up that tread over similar territory of lesser recent films. For example, The Break-Up attempted to navigate similar material, but couldn’t tell the difference between pain and comedy. Watching that film, it’s as if a fighting couple is inherently funny. But Apatow’s has a knack for taking real moments out of life, keeping them honest while he extracts the humor from within. I have no idea how he does it, but some how he does.

Obviously, the humor of this film is at least half accomplished by Apatow’s uproarious and insightful script. Maybe the other half is this great comedic cast. Seth Rogen does a terrific job presenting us with an extremely likable loser who has a huge heart and only needs a little faith to become a great dad. Katherine Heigl (who I remember from her days on WB’s Roswell) also rises to the comedic challenges of her role. She can play serious when she needs to be serious and takes the comedic scenes just as seriously. There is also Alison’s sister and brother-in-law Debbie and Pete played by Leslie Mann and Paul Rudd. They are the married couple dealing with their own marital frustrations, presenting a perfect foil to Ben and Alison who are attempting to force a relationship on behalf of the baby. They are more than just sidekick characters though, as they each get emotional scenes where they relate the hardships of marriage to the attentive Ben and Alison. I’ve loved Paul Rudd ever since Clueless. He has such great comedic timing and it’s refreshing to see a guy that always steals the show, but seems to avoid hogging the spotlight. Leslie Mann is also great and really shows her comedic range in this film. On a side note, it is also fun how jam packed this movie is with pop culture references, from simply mentioning Spider-Man 3 to impersonating Jabba the Hutt’s tragic death.

Is Knocked-Up as great as 40 Year Old Virgin? Tough call. I’m such a huge ‘Virgin’ fan, it’s tough to turn my back on it so quickly. But I am sure this is a great film. It is raunchy and vulgar, but it is also sweet and tender. Where other raunchy films like American Pie use dirty humor for malicious and misogynistic ends, Knocked Up is one of the warmest feel good movies I’ve seen in a long time and so far it’s one of the years best.

A-